So, I know it’s been awhile since I posted here. Apparently, it’s a mistake to try to take on writing blog posts daily. But, that’s not the only reason I couldn’t keep up. I’ll just be honest; I’ve had a difficult time teaching multiple classes while also trying to kick start my business and writing daily. Since I’m a bit of a perfectionist, I can’t just post something to have a daily post. Fact is, most people won’t read daily posts, even if they are chocked full of useful content. We seem to be on information overload and being obsessive isn’t really useful for any of us. When I can’t be perfect, I just don’t do it. I’m working on doing it imperfectly.
I write to figure things out. Some people write because they have something to say. I do that as well though the process of writing helps me figure out how to proceed or how I feel about something or even what I really think. I journal several times a week. I’d like to write everyday but that’s my perfectionism rearing its head. Journaling is private, however, and not something I’m willing to share out in the world. Journaling is the place for me to say whatever I want or need to say without worry of judgment. Journaling allows me to let go of the stress of negative emotions. Journaling allows me the space to be grateful so I begin to see the miraculous in the everyday. Gratitude is easy to do when things are going well but not so easy when we are hurting, grieving, or scared. However, writing my gratitude down in my journal is good for me and helps me keep the “bad” stuff in perspective.
So where am I going with this? Well, I just wanted to share that I’m in transition as I seem to have been for a little while now. I left full-time employment in August of last year. I’ve been working to develop a coaching practice and teaching yoga classes. I also teach intro communication and public speaking courses at a local community college part-time. These are all endeavors that reflect various parts of me and what I love to do. While I’ve had the freedom to explore these things, I no longer will be able to take it so slow. Sometimes things happen to force us to make choices when we would prefer to take more time. When my mother died suddenly ten years ago, her death sent me back to college to finish my degree. Maybe my transitioning began there. My grandmother died suddenly 20 years ago three months after my oldest son was born. Maybe that’s where the transition began. My 20-year marriage is in the process of ending. My partner in life is no longer my partner. It’s been six weeks since he admitted he wanted something different, four weeks since he moved out. Maybe the transition begins here. Maybe we are always in transition.
Yesterday’s reflection from Meditations from the Mat quoted Seneca: “In life we must learn not only how to live, but how to die as well” (p. 294). I read this in my YogaStretch® class where my only students yesterday were men “of a certain age”. One man thanked me for reading it – his wife passed about a year ago and he was moved by the words. Gates continues in the reflection:
We invest years in a moment, and then that moment passes and we must be willing to let it go, so as to be able to embrace the next moment. A study on longevity found that the common thread among those who live long is their ability to endure loss. This is the lesson of shavasana. We embrace a moment with all we have, and when the moment is over we step back and let go (p. 294).
I am in transition. There has been a loss. And, I’m working on letting it go. In the meantime, I’ll be committing to writing here more often. Just don’t plan on reading something every day. Namaste.